Things that are Good

Today was largely un-interesting. I say this because the highlight was my trip to Bagel House this morning, where, despite my best intentions to eat better, I had a giant chocolate/cream cheese muffin. But I made Doug eat at least three bites.

However, despite the uninteresting-ness of my day (mostly spent volunteering at the Museum of Modern Art and working on my quarterly taxes), I was in no particular mood, good or bad. And this is good because I have gotten really tired of being in a bad mood the past month. And also I realized that I am the only person who can help me not be in a bad mood, and this is both annoying and empowering. And means that I have to make having a good attitude my numero uno priority.

On the other hand, yesterday I was in a really good mood. Yesterday was a great day, and let me tell you why:

1. I went to work, and I got paid. (Payment for work is always a good thing.)
2. After work, I went to the movies with Doug, who always lets me hold his hand, whether we are in the movies or not. (Going to movies is a good thing. Going to movies with your red-headed boyfriend is better.)
3. On the way to the movie, I bought Smartfood popcorn and a six pack of beer, which I then expertly hid in my bag. (Smartfood is SO good. Beer is even better.)
4. On the way to the movie, I bought chicken fingers and fries from Chelsea Papaya, which I then expertly hid in my bag. (Chicken fingers and crinkly fries from Chelsea Papaya are possibly better than beer. Depends on what kind of beer it is.)
5. Slumdog Millionaire is a really good movie. (Despite my deep hatred for awards shows and all things awards-show related, those rich bastards in Hollywood were right- really really good movie.)
6. After the movie, I went home with aforementioned red-head AND.... ate cookies. (Cookies are also a good thing. Or 10 good things.)
7. Doug's apartment is always warm. (I am always cold, so this is probably the BEST thing on this list.)

So there you have it. It is almost Friday, and so far the run-down is thus:

Monday- kind of sucked
Tuesday- sucked less, actually didn't really suck, considering it consisted of eating curry products (god, I love things made with curry) at Bite with one of the very few former co-workers I still like (Kav you're cool), getting paid to browse cnn.com with a cool old guy, and a delightfully B.O.-free yoga class. Oh and then I drank a bunch of wine and feel asleep by 11. Sweeeet.
Wednesday- did not suck at all, culminated in cookies
Thursday- also did not suck at all, so I guess that counts as a good day

I see Friday being great. I am going to a Knicks game with Kevin where I'm sure I'll spend my last remaining non-rent money on horrifically overpriced beers, but I won't mind because the beauty of sporting events is that you are supposed to drink, and the more you drink, the less you care about how much money you are actually spending.

Hello, weekend! Forecast for Saturday and Sunday: productive and delicious, the high point being brunch. God I love brunch.


ps- Doug, do I need to use a code name for you in this blog? I figured it didn't matter that much since I think you're the only one who reads this (except when my sisters are bored in class) but if you want to remain nameless, I'll edit in something suave in place of your name, you just let me know honeymuffin.

One Week Into It (my job, my life post-deathbed, etc.)

Consensus?
So far I like my job and I kind of hate everything else. Yes, this is one of those negative blog posts where you humor me because I am going to rant like every other blogger does from time to time (or all the time) about various things I don't like. And at least a few of these are somehow work-related, though I don't know how related they are to the larger picture of what the hell I should do with my life. I will try to make a correlation at some point.

Things I Don't Like:
-Getting sick. And staying sick for extended periods of time.
-Missing my birthday. Inevitably I will not be sick anymore and then I will just be sad that I missed the only day out of 365 that is devoted to me and during which I can't feel bad about doing everything I want and nothing useful.
-Not getting a birthday cake with candles or a reasonable facsimile thereof.
-People who don't care that I'm on my deathbed. Or at least that I can't get out of bed to wash the puke off my comforter.
-Having to cancel an expensive NON-REFUNDABLE vacation because of aforementioned illness.
-Having to do complicated taxes.
-Having to do complicated taxes 4 times a year.
-This horrifically cold weather.


How this relates to what I should do with my life:
-Don't buy expensive vacations ahead of time.
-If you do buy expensive vacations, make sure you spend the extra 50 bucks on insurance. If you are anything like me and tend to have big accidents at inopportune times, you will need it. This goes for more than vacations. This goes for EVERYTHING.
-Do not live in New York City where it is either brutally hot or brutally cold.
-I have no advice for missed birthdays, cakes, or finding people who will help you wash puke off your comforter (or at least ask how you are doing), or taxes. I am apparently very bad at keeping such things in order.

It is obvious that I am going through the stages of grief over my lost health and lost vacation. I was too sick to care about anything except trying not to die, then I was so happy that I was alive and could actually breathe without coughing up my left lung and walk outside (walk! outside!), then I was sad about how weeks of bed rest affected the rest of my always faltering life, and now I am just angry. I am not an angry person. I do not like being an angry person. I need to figure out what to do about this.

Feeling a little manic lately. Can you tell? I blame it on Valentine's Day. Another thing I'm going to continue disliking even though I'm in a relationship. What is the point of a holiday in which no one, no matter where they are in life, knows what they should be doing to celebrate it? I'm for Thanksgiving, where it's obvious that turkey is the focal point of the day and it is a known fact that you do not need to buy anything for anybody, because there is no such thing as a Thanksgiving Day gift. Turkey is obvious, and edible and delicious, and also kind of healthy. People should care more about Thanksgiving. People should send Thanksgiving Day cards.

So that's it. I'm for turkey. And apparently I have anger issues. And I need to get the hell over it. But my job's pretty decent. End of story.

I'm Alive... Barely. Alive.

This time I have a very good reason for abandoning this blog. I would say a trip to the hospital and two weeks of deathly illness is a pretty decent reason for letting a little thing like a blog go. But fear not! I will not let this blog go the way of all the rest. No, you will not languish in obscurity because I have given up on ever acquiring brilliant writing skills. This blog will live on, in small infamy, forever and ever, even though

I GOT A NEW JOB!

Do you know what this means? So many many things... but mostly it means I get another brief respite from wondering what I should be doing with my career, because until I realize this job is not it (which, my god, could it actually be?), I am able to rest in the peace of thinking that I may have actually found my calling this time. And maybe I have? I've been lucky to find something (and convince them I'm worth hiring over the other 900 applicants) that not only do I want to do, but I actually feel qualified to do. I am able to use my previous experience at SBJ's architectural firm, in conjunction with my graphic design skills, to do a job that I'm actually pretty sure I can do without feeling totally lost and underqualified. Which is no small feat. I have felt underqualified so much in the past few years that it's a wonder I haven't given up and gone back to serving sandwiches just so I don't have to deal with the constant nagging feeling of not being good enough to make it in this city. So we shall see if this one takes... I so hope it will, because among other things, the commute is really super.

In other news, apparently no one told my former co-leader that I quit my job. And I really just don't feel like having that conversation with her. It would figure that when I finally left a place with such communication problems no one would actually get the memo. I emailed the coordinator and I know she got it, so I think it's ok to feel like this is no longer my problem. So there.

So I might have a clue what to do with my life. Holy hell, could I? We shall see... we shall see.

From: Mayowa Williams Re: Tutoring position

this juicy little nugget of pseduo-employment found in my inbox yesterday (the second of such bogus responses to my carefully edited resume and email):



I am Mayowa Williams I am from Germany but resides in the United Kingdom, I have a Son His name is Sean is 13 years old. Whom will be coming for an holiday in the states he's in the high school,will be teaching him so the teaching per hour which should be $40.00/hr(which i have in mind) so get back to me with the total and also i want you to know that my client who is in US will be sending you my salary payment which i want you to know that the rest of the money will be used to get accommodation and any other arrangement for the lesson, so i want you to know that i will be sending you a check for the payment of the tutorial and the payment that you will sent to the Nanny to takecare of him while he's there for the lesson, The nanny will be the one to bring him to you whenever he's suppose to be with you and will also be the one to pick him up after every tutoring.The tutoring can take place at your residence or any nearest library around you. so as soon as you get the check cash you will deduct cost of tutoring of the lesson and send the remaining balance to the Guardian that will be taking care of my son Via western union.



Regarding this, kindly send your full information to receive the check so that payment can be able to made out on-time. So hope i can trust you that you will teach my son good academics and some moral respects so that they can be good to their self in the future, i hope i can count on you for the tutorial and the money to be sent to the Guardian. Thanks and waiting to read from you.Kindly get back to me with your full info so as to issue out the payment as soon as possible. Pls i get back to me asap and i don't want any delay at all.


1.YOUR CHARGE FOR AN HOUR....
2.TOTAL CHARGES FOR 2 WEEKS, 2TIMES A WEEK, AND 2HOURS EACH DAY
3.FULL NAME AND ADDRESS....
4.YOUR PHONE NUMBER...


Williams

Even if I hadn't just gotten a fake check for $3,600.00 in the mail less than a month ago, I am pretty sure I wouldn't be stupid enough to think this was a good idea. You send me a foreign check and then I have to wire money to someone else? Yeeeeahhhh... fat chance chuckleface. It's just pissing me off that these bozos have the verbal skills to write legitimate-sounding posts for teachers on Craigslist, forcing me to waste my time poring over yet another cover letter.

Anyways. Calling on all the birthday karma in the world tomorrow for my interview... I someone managed to buy very professional looking (size 2!) pants at Banana Republic today for $8. Yeah, 8 freakin bucks! The other pair was $45, but hey, I might end up returning them anyways. Besides, it was worth it after I spent an hour this morning trying on and discarding pants that were too big, eventually settling on a pair that were so wide they looked vaguely like pajamas.

Birthday karma + new pants + my naturally enthusiastic and highly intelligent personality MUST = ch ch ch CHANGES!

(Oh, also calling on Bowie power... SO need Bowie power)

Finally: An Interview and a Chance to Be a Stalker

So, I finally have an interview! At this point I've responded to almost 40 job ads, and so far this is what I've gotten:

-One email from someone who wanted me to design stationary to put on her site, commission-based
-Two emails from scam artists claiming to be foreigners whose children need tutoring when they arrive in the US, a deal in which I would be paid by check (yeeeeeah...) but then would have to wire money to the "caregiver" (do they think I am retarded?) note: STOP POSTING LEGITIMATE LOOKING ADS FOR TEACHERS ON CRAIGSLIST, WE MAY BE PATIENT WITH CHILDREN BUT WE ARE CAPABLE OF HURTING SOMEONE AND ARE GETTING REALLY PISSED OFF!
-And finally, a phone call and an interview!

I have visited 4 temp agencies (meeting with one tomorrow) but I don't have high hopes, since I'm pretty sure that half of NYC is also trying to sell themselves to the limited number of agencies, and there are probably at least 1.8 million people who are more qualified than me. Oh, and also I hear no one is hiring temps in this economic fiasco. Wahoo.

But, I have an interview on Friday for a fantastic-sounding (hopefully my ears don't lie this time...) job at a small architecture firm in Soho (getting to work in Manhattan again? glorious!) which entails doing everything I am qualified to do: graphic design, admin, office management. For once, maybe I won't feel underqualified? Now that would be a miracle. Just getting this job would be a miracle, as I talked to my former boss yesterday and he said since things are slowing down at their firm they are switching to a 4 day work week. Not sure what that entails for the employees, but it doesn't sound good. Ouch.

Also, I was able to stalk another potential employer and it may actually have worked in my favor! I went down to the school where I had applied to an Afterschool job by email, and I actually got to talk to the person who heads up the program. Face time is good, but even better is that she seemed very enthused to see me and said, I quote,"I am so glad you came down here, you have just made my job much easier!" after she had told me they got over 200 applicants for two positions and hadn't had time to look over them yet. So, go squeaky wheel! And thanks Dad, for encouraging me to risk being annoying and go get em!

I am mad sick still (mention I think I have the flu?) but mentally I feel better than I have in weeks- there's a (slight) chance I will be able to change jobs, kill the 2 hour commute, and never have to deal with hooligans in Hollis again. Keep your fingers, toes, and any other bendable digits you may have crossed.

Top 10 Things to Do When You Are Looking for A New Job In a Terrible Economy

10- Sleep
9- Whine
8- Get sick, drink orange juice, repeat steps 9 & 10
7- Watch the Sci-Fi channel and complain about how you could do better graphics in your sleep
6- Wish you were Anthony Bourdain
5-Wish you were Bill Gates (but also hate him because your Microsoft stock is down)
4- Wish you were anyone but yourself
3- Edit your resume for the millionth time (thesaurus.com is fun!)
2- Convince yourself that no one is returning your emails because you are "overqualified"

and the Top Thing to Do When You Are Looking for a New Job in a Terrible Economy iiiiis:

1- Blog so that your unanswered emails & applications, time wasted on Facebook, and entire day spent in your pajamas does not make you feel completely worthless and unproductive.

Now GO!

Because the Crazy Man Claims I Am Going to Get Beat the Hell Up...

I am quitting my job. Because of many other things in addition to the crazy man, and because I must get the hell out of Hollis before I get beat the hell up in Hollis. I hesitate to go into further details about why I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, DAMMIT!, mainly because I've spent the better part of the past two days (not to mention the past two weeks) complaining bitterly, and also because I'm pretty sure only two or three people might actually read this, and you are precisely the people I've already complained to, ad nauseum.

So, anyhow, this crazy man accosted me at a deserted bus stop in Cambria Heights the other night, first insisting that he was going to hang out with me to protect me, then claiming that thugs were going to beat me up because I'm 17, and then telling me he was in jail, all the while asking me where I was going and why in a really demanding and quite frightening voice, before he finally tried to nonchalantly touch my shoulder and I flailed my arms around a bit and told him to buzz off. So that is another reason I will not be returning to Jamaica, Cambria Heights, or Hollis. I just have to find a way to break the news to the people I work for. Oh, and figure out how to pay my rent.

Which stinks, because sadly, I did not receive any uplifting emails upon disembarking the plane, only a sense of vast relief that I would be returning to my own home, with a bed that does not fold up and a distinct lack of small children. Which, in itself, was pretty happy. But I was disappointed nonetheless, and spent the rest of the evening huddled amongst my sheets, trying to simultaneously stay warm and convince myself that my life was not going to shat.

So, still awaiting any signs that I am a marketable resource, convincing myself that the employers were just biding their time until all responses came in (none quite as fabulous as my own), and craving Orange Mango juice. It is too cold to go outside to the all night grocery and I have been in my pajamas (or some semblance of them) since 5:00.

Tomorrow will be a better day. It is Monday.