Top 10 Things to Do When You Are Looking for A New Job In a Terrible Economy

10- Sleep
9- Whine
8- Get sick, drink orange juice, repeat steps 9 & 10
7- Watch the Sci-Fi channel and complain about how you could do better graphics in your sleep
6- Wish you were Anthony Bourdain
5-Wish you were Bill Gates (but also hate him because your Microsoft stock is down)
4- Wish you were anyone but yourself
3- Edit your resume for the millionth time (thesaurus.com is fun!)
2- Convince yourself that no one is returning your emails because you are "overqualified"

and the Top Thing to Do When You Are Looking for a New Job in a Terrible Economy iiiiis:

1- Blog so that your unanswered emails & applications, time wasted on Facebook, and entire day spent in your pajamas does not make you feel completely worthless and unproductive.

Now GO!

Welcome to my Quarter Life Crisis... Again

I have been a graphic designer, a receptionist, an administrative assistant, a nanny, a Production Coordinator (whatever the hell that means), a waitress, a hostess, and a milkshake-maker (and yes, my milkshake DID bring all the boys to the yard). I have worked in retail, in food service, in marketing, and in education. I have sold shoes, burgers, and my own plasma. Probably my favorite job was driving the beverage cart on a golf course in North Carolina. And now, as seems to be the trend since graduating college and moving to New York City almost four years ago, I am again trying to find gainful employment that doesn't make me want to strangle myself after a few months.

I have been freelancing as a graphic designer for two years now, ever since quitting the soul-sucking corporate job that paid me much more than I was worth- and if I could do this all the time, hell I sure would. But there's only so much work one can acquire without leaving the house, so I'm also commuting over three hours A DAY to teach afterschool programs in the far reaches of Queens. The annoyance and stress of which has slowly made the affliction I refer to as my "existential dilemma" creep back, like a bad skin rash you just can't seem to get rid of. Not that I have such a skin rash. Or ever had such a skin rash. You know. An example. Or, like, poison ivy that follows you around. Whatever.

I have already faced many of such dilemmas in recent years; the biggest culminating in my decision to leave corporate America after less than two years of cube-rat status and become a nanny. Which turned out to be a pretty great gig. So don't ask me why I quit that a year later... something about health insurance being a bitch and my career going nowhere? Anyhow. Here I am, a year later, and not so much wiser. On the contrary, when I left the nanny world I thought I had some things figured out:

1- I love the freedom of freelancing
2- There are certain employment agencies devoted to finding short term jobs for graphic design freelancers
3- Said agencies were supposedly going to give me lots of work

Numero uno is still true (god bless Mom, she thinks I should return to the aforementioned cube-rat status) but sadly, while I'm still unclear on the validity of number two, number three turned out to be a BIG FAT LIE.

So here I stand (sit). Desperately scanning Craigslist, day in and day out. It is a vast wasteland of unpaid internships and potential money-laundering scams (more about that later).

HOLY HELL, WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE?

Stay tuned to find out if I ever find out.