33 Jobs in Two Weeks

I have applied for 33 jobs in the past two weeks. Actually, it's probably more like 36 or 37 because that's not including the jobs I applied to through other websites, only things or people I directly emailed, which I just counted in my Sent Mail folder. God bless gmail and it's infinite storage capabilities.

So I'd like to say, heyyyy let's sit back and watch the responses roll in! Sadly, I've gotten, like, two responses, neither which involves consistent work or specific money. Which means, when I fly back to New York tomorrow night, I must mentally prepare myself for Friday's 3+ hour commute and Saturday's 6 am wakeup call (with the 3+ hour commute). Barf.

I've applied to be a graphic designer (which I actually am), a nanny (which I actually was), an administrative assistant (again, I was), a photographer's assistant (haven't been that yet, but hey, I am a photographer), a personal assistant (pretty sure I can handle that), a temp (been there too), and a bartender (strangely, the hardest position to obtain. what?). So here's the plan: I'm going to be in transit, away from the internet, for like, 7 or 8 hours tomorrow, when all's said and done (which is probably the longest I've been away from internet ever, except for various flights to various places). I'm going to tell myself that during those 7 or 8 hours, a large percentage of those 33-37 people/companies I've emailed are going to send me back something along these lines:
"WOW! You seem like a perfect fit for our position as a graphic designer/nanny/assistant/temp/bartender. We LOVE your portfolio. Your resume is genius. We want you to come in for an interview asap. In fact, forget the interview. We want to hire you! When can you start? How much do we need to pay you? Be employed by us, three whole, amazing days a week (enough for you to pay your bills AND have time to freelance/screenprint/watch HBO in your underwear). You can wear all those cute professional clothes that have been languishing in your closet for the past two years, and there are free bagels on Fridays, and best of all- we have one of those really cool coffee machines where you can choose whatever flavor you like from all those tiny coffee packets and make a different flavor in every cup!"

And then I will say something chilly like this:
"Thank you for your kind response. This looks like a very interesting opportunity. Since you are willing to pay me a large amount of money per hour of my valuable time, I look forward to making your website beautiful and drinking your coffee that comes out of tiny individual packets. I will see you on Monday. I mean Tuesday. I don't work Mondays." And then I will do a very enthusiastic, very ridiculous victory dance.

And then, I will go to work next Tuesday, a new woman with a new, 30-minute commute.